last night, mom mentioned about 1) hiring a tutor for me 2) wanting to send me abroad to either aust, canada or uk to further my studies and get a degree. but it's not confirmed. for all i know, i might instead be enrolled into a local uni or even, enter the workforce upon graduation. lets see how things go! and as ridiculous as point no. 1 sounds, i think i'll still consider it even though it makes me feel very much like a loser because i've never heard of poly students hiring tutors. maybe except for calculus (i do have friends who hire a tutor for this module). mom may not know it but even though i lost all the 4 As (out of 5 modules) i've earned during mst, i'm more than satisfied with my end result because i know i can do better than this if not for my carelessness and as compared to my peers, i think i did well enough. who says you can't outshine others who used to score way better than you? so glad i'm studying the right way this time. during the exam period i was so afraid that i'm not studying enough. every night i go to bed feeling so damn guilty, asking myself if i've done ample revision and if i'm ready for my papers because i see my classmates (and b&f course-mates) staying up the whole night to study and having either no sleep/at most 2-3 hrs of sleep, coming to school early and studying the lecture notes so diligently outside the exam venue the very next day. what a monstrous behaviour. it scares me. so to my dear sisters and mom, stop thinking that i'm crazy to study so much because it's nothing as compared to my classmates. the pressure is really there and i'm not kidding. nights when i feel like crying, i even told myself to keep it in because even crying is a waste of time to me. wtf. but here's one thing i tell myself: it's always quality > quantity. the amt of hours you put into studying does not have a direct r/s with your result. it's all about how much you understand, how well you can apply and sometimes, how good you are with the memorizing of theories. and whatever it is, the result's out - not my worst, not my best either - so i'll just accept it. all that i've to focus now on is the last 2 semesters (finally a year 3 this apr) and my internship!